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Literature Text
Before we begin, these oc’s all belong to their respectful creators, also even if the oc’s that I review get bad ratings please do not harass or attack the creators of said oc’s.
The next oc I’m going to review is clanemone.deviantart.com/art/H… by 
by the way my statements will have bold (these) around them. Also, as of now I will stop rating these characters since I believe it is simply not needed because this is just simply reviewing and building a character not figuring out how it outranks others. So, sorry if that disappointing the audience but I just don't see the need of it.
T H E C A P T A I N
Name: The Captain
Actual name: Lucifer Zachary
(No need to worry bout this lmao. It's part of his backstory that I'll never reveal on the Internet. I'm probably only gonna tell some close friends. Feel free to call him this anyways.)
(Seems legit)
Nickname: Captain, Caps, Lucy
(is there a reason why he is called captain, if there is and I missed it then I’m sorry xD)
Gender: Male
Age: Unknown
Height: 130cm
Mass: No definite mass
(We got some ghost shit right here .3. )
What he is
He's an entity, a deity, a buildup of negative emotions or feelings. These usually consist of hurt, anger, betrayal and bitterness. He represents that little bit of wrath and envy in everyone.
Only those on the edge, the very brink, of death and children below 8 can see him without him making himself known since children are innocent and can tell corrupt from pure, whereas adults' minds have been blinded by the "plagues of society".
His white, snowy, silky fur and golden eyes are to disguise him to look like an angel instead of a murderous demon.
His smile is welcoming and warm in childrens' eyes, but twisted and cunning in adults'.
(Do you think that some adults could potentially see him when misfortune was going to happen to them? Or maybe a chant could have been created by a demon hunter guy thing, idk, to summon him)
Personality
He has 2 personalities. One of them he uses as a mask to hide his true nature.
With his mask on, he seems trustworthy, patient and kind. He's always relaxed and kind to his friends. He loves to make jokes and acts like a soft, fluffy, passive dog.
(An angel .0. )
In his true nature, that's usually revealed in his true form, he's malicious, manipulative, sadistic and cunning. He his proud, selfish and arrogant. He loves to criticize others and is an exhibitionist.
(uh, nuh thanks, I like Angel better…buh-bye…)
Likes:
- Cold days
- Winter
(I feel like these are almost the same thing xD )
- Being right
- Others praising him
Dislikes:
- Being proven wrong
- Getting dirty and wet
- When others don't listen to him
- Being lied to or betrayed
- Being backstabbed
- Called a dog
- His fur being pulled
- Windows that swing open, they cause him to fall off the window sill
(Some of these everyone probably dislikes in general, like being backstabbed and lied/betrayed, unless someone does like it…Which would be a bit concerning)
Statistics
Agility: 8/10
Speed: 9/10
He is quick, fast, agile and can jump quite high.
This remains the same in all forms.
Strength: 3/10
Strength: 4/10
Strength: 6/10
He is very weak in his 1st form, but he does get stronger in his 2nd form and then his 3rd form.
Stamina: 5/10
Stamina: 7/10
His stamina is good in his first form, but it gets better in his 2nd and 3rd form.
Intelligence: 10/10
He's very smart. That's all that needs to be said.
Abilities
He can make himself invisible, as said above.
He can do this freely and it does not take up his energy
He can make people feel nauseous, faint or pain. They can be headaches or heart pains.
The range of the pain varies.
The person might just feel a pinch of pain or may even double over in agony. It depends on the Captain.
It does take up energy, but not that much.
(I feel like the stronger the pain the more energy it takes to deliver that sort of action, but that’s just me)
He can cause heart attacks.
However, this can only happen in his 3rd form as it drains most of his energy. The victim will also be able to see him.
He is able to teleport from one place to another.
However, he also does not do this very often as the further he teleports, the more it drains his energy.
Regeneration of limbs.
He is able to regenerate any limb he loses.
The time it takes to regenerate depends on what has been amputated. Regeneration does take up most of his energy, especially if it's a whole arm or tail. Taking off an arm will probably delay him for at least an hour and a half.
Strengths
He's very agile and can bend easily.
He can squeeze through and fit in very small places.
He can climb very well.
He uses this to climb up to windows and trees.
He's manipulative.
He is able to change people's views and opinions on something with just a few sentences.
He's intelligent.
He's smart and is able to think on his feet.
He's stealthy.
Is able to sneak up on people.
(Because he is ghost-demon-dog-thingy, yes?)
Doesn't give up easily.
The Captain almost never gives up, he feels as though only cowards do and refuses to be one.
Weaknesses
The Power of Christ.
He scorns Christ.
When he hears prayers or hymns, he starts having seizures.
Holy water, rosaries and bibles, however, has no effect on him.
His eyes are very sensitive in his 2nd and 3rd form.
Since his eyes are ripped open, bleeding and probably infected, poking them will be very painful for him.
Amputating his limbs.
It does stop him for a while, they don't grow back very easily.
As said above, it takes energy and he would not be able to move if his arm or leg is taken off.
A certain lullaby.
It is said that if you sing a lullaby in a certain way, you'll be able to repeal The Captain. Of course, what it's supposed to be is unknown and may or may not have been lost to time.
(Carry on my wayward son~)
Rolling him over with a car
He'll stay dead for a while. At least an hour. 2-3 if you roll over enough important organs.
(Aw shite, that must hurt like a bioch .3. )
Anointing Oil.
He hates that stuff man. It burns him bad.
Salt.
Salt also burns him.
(I don’t really see anything to bad, all of it makes a lot of sense)
Backstory
- He meets a young, lonely boy named Derek
- Derek's mother was just fired from her job and Derek's father's job does not earn much money.
- He helps Derek through the harshness of life, and strives to help Derek put his life back together.
- He usually visits Derek at night.
- Usually knocks on his bedroom window at 8pm and night before he goes to bed and keeps Derek company for a while.
- He's seen by an imaginary friend to Derek, as his family is unable to see him.
- However, Chigaco, his dog, cannot see him, but can sense his dark aura. Thus, she always barks when The Captain is around, a warning Derek never takes note of.
- The Captain makes Derek promise that they'll be Best Friends Forever, the one that forgets or does not will lose the game/bet.
- All above happens when he is 9-10 years old.
- Skip 5 years forward -
- The Captain then starts to force Derek to push everyone out of his life.
- Derek does not approve of this, but he does it anyways as he believes that everything The Captain does is to benefit Derek.
- Skip 4 years ahead -
- When Derek loses all his friends and is cut off by his family, he realized that this couldn't go on any longer.
- He tries desperately to reconnect with his friends and family.
- Soon, The Captain realized what Derek was doing and was furious
- The Captain insists that everything he does is for Derek and Derek only, and insists that pushing everyone out of his life is the best option.
- Derek does not listen.
- The Captain threatens Derek that if he does not stop he will no longer help him and curse his family.
- Derek still does not listen
- The Captain then suddenly disappears
- Skip 3 years later -
- Derek is successful in reuniting with his family and friends.
- However, he starts seeing The Captain in every window he walks past.
- He also starts getting vivid nightmares of The Captain.
- Slowly, his family and friends start dying, Chicago being the last to go.
- In those years without The Captain, he thought of Chicago as his guardian angel, and without her he felt weak and unprotected.
- He starts losing his mind and is admitted into a mental hospital.
- The Captain eventually killed him and he was found dead the next day.
"I'll never forgive, I'll never forget. No matter what you do, or how you do it, I'll always have the last laugh, Derek."
-The Captain
(Well then, I’ll be buying some salt)
Other notes
- In his 1st form, he smells of warm milk and cookies
- In his 2nd and 3rd form he smells like a rotting animal and blood.
- He spends at least an hour to comb his fur every day.
- His favorite flowers are White Lilies and Tiger Lilies.
- His eyes aren't bleeding, it's because of the cuts beside his eyes.
- In his 1st form, he has no wounds. In his 2nd form, he only has a ripped ear.
- I haven't clarified this, but the reason he does what he does is because he feeds off the feelings of his victims.
- He sometimes lets his horrible personality slip through. More often than his sister.
- Inspiration for some of his personality traits (not a theme song) : m.youtube.com/watch?v=lPVOjhzJ…
- His Sister: clanemone.deviantart.com/art/H…
(Looks like I’ll be looking more into this character than expected xD )
"Man can become reckless if given too much power. It's in their nature; a physiological flaw."
- The Captain
After looking through the entirety of the bio, I don’t have much negative things to say about it. The bio itself is well done and though out, and I absolutely love the idea of the character. The only thing I seemed to find was the dislikes and likes were a bit off in some places and that the 2nd form and 3rd form seem to be a bit too similar for my liking, but other than that you did great! Keep up the character creating!
Comments2
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OMFG YOU ACTUALLY REDID IT???
I CANT EVEN
*huggies*
AAAAAAAAA ILL TAKE ALL OF IT INTO CONSIDERATION TQTQ ;v;
So I'll have to change the likes, dislikes, and a bit of the abilities I guess?? I had another person that reviewed him points out the abilities too. So I guess that's at the top of my list XD
Anyways, thank you so much again aaaaaaaaa <333
I CANT EVEN
*huggies*
AAAAAAAAA ILL TAKE ALL OF IT INTO CONSIDERATION TQTQ ;v;
So I'll have to change the likes, dislikes, and a bit of the abilities I guess?? I had another person that reviewed him points out the abilities too. So I guess that's at the top of my list XD
Anyways, thank you so much again aaaaaaaaa <333